Lettre par Aurore Dupin George Sand

Lettre envoyée par Aurore Dupin (romancière francaise du XIXe siècle),
dite George SAND (son nom de plume) à Alfred de MUSSET (écrivain francais).
Cette lettre est authentique. A vous de découvrir l’érotisme caché.

Je suis très émue de vous dire que j’ai
bien compris l’autre soir que vous aviez
toujours une envie folle de me faire
danser. Je garde le souvenir de votre
baiser et je voudrais bien que ce soit
là une preuve que je puisse être aimée
par vous. Je suis prête à vous montrer mon
affection toute désintéressée et sans cal-
cul, et si vous voulez me voir aussi
vous dévoiler sans artifice mon âme
toute nue, venez me faire une visite.
Nous causerons en amis, franchement.
Je vous prouverai que je suis la femme
sincère, capable de vous offrir l’affection
la plus profonde comme la plus étroite
amitié, en un mot la meilleure preuve
que vous puissiez rêver, puisque votre
âme est libre. Pensez que la solitude où j’ha-
bite est bien longue, bien dure et souvent
difficile. Ainsi en y songeant j’ai l’âme
grosse. Accourez donc vite et venez me la
faire oublier par l’amour où je veux me
mettre

NB : Relisez-la en sautant les lignes paires

GEORGE SAND (1835)

————————–

La réponse d’Alfred de Musset

Quand je mets à vos pieds un éternel hommage,
Voulez-vous qu’un instant je change de visage ?
Vous avez capturé les sentiments d’un coeur
Que pour vous adorer forma le créateur.
Je vous chéris, amour, et ma plume en délire
Couche sur le papier ce que je n’ose dire.
Avec soin de mes vers lisez les premiers mots,
Vous saurez quel remède apporter à mes maux.

Alfred de Musset

———————

La réponse de George Sand

Cette insigne faveur que votre coeur réclame
Nuit à ma renommée et répugne à mon âme.

George Sand

 

Courtesy of http://www.poetica.fr/poeme-174/george-sand-lettre-par-aurore-dupin/

The Law as it Should Be

One evening after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them.  One of them turned to the other and remarked, “I’d give $50 to spend the night with that woman!”

To their surprise the young lady overheard the remark and, turning around, said, “I’ll take you up on that.”  She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the lady to her apartment.

The following morning the man presented her with $25 as he prepared to leave.  She demanded the rest of the money, stating, “If you don’t give me the other $25, I’ll sue you for it!”

He laughingly said, “I’d like to see you get it on those grounds.”

The next day he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as defendant in a lawsuit.  He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case.  His lawyer said, “She can’t possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case is presented.”

After the usual preliminaries the lady’s lawyer addressed the court as follows:  “Your Honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $50.  The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purpose for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, paid only $25, one half the amount agreed upon.  The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask that judgment be granted against the defendant to ensure payment of the balance.”

The defendant’s lawyer was impressed and amused at the way his opponent had presented the case.  His defense, therefore, was somewhat altered from the way he had originally planned to present it.  “Your Honor,” he said, “my client agrees that the young lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and that a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction.  However, my client found a well on this property, around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft and erected a pump, all labor being performed personally by him.  We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for rental of said property.  We therefore ask that judgment not be granted.”

The young lady’s lawyer came back with, “Your Honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property, and that he did make improvements such as my opponent has described.  However, had the defendant not known the well existed, he would never have rented the property.  Also, upon evacuating, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft and took the pump with him.  In so doing, he not only dragged equipment through the shrubbery, but also left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making it easily accessible to little children.  We therefore ask that judgment be granted.”

AND SHE GOT IT!!!!!

Courtesy of http://www.vcbridge.org/unPC%20Humor/Law%20as%20it%20Should%20Be.pdf

Bill Clinton

A few years ago, Bill Clinton was looking for a call girl. He found three such ladies in a local lounge a  blonde , a brunette  and a redhead.

To the blonde he said , “I am the president of the United States of America. How much would it cost me to spend some time with you?”

The blonde replied, “Two hundred dollars.”

To the brunette he posed the same question , and she replied, “One hundred dollars. “

He then asked the redhead the same question.

The redhead replied, “Mr. President , if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes…. Get my panties as low as my wages…get that thing of yours as hard as the times… Keep it high as the gas prices…keep me warmer than my apartment…and…screw me the way you do the public, then believe me Mr. President , it ain’t gonna cost you a cent.”

What not to call your dog

Everybody who has a dog calls him “Rover” or “Boy”. I call mine “Sex”.

Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the Clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said “I’d like one too!” Then I said, “But this is a dog”. He said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said, “You don’t understand!” “I’ve had Sex since I was nine years old. ” He said I must have been quite a kid.

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the Motel Clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for Sex. I said “You don’t understand, Sex keeps me awake at night.” The Clerk said, “Me too!”

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own tickets. “But you don’t understand”, I said. “I had hoped to have Sex on T.V.” He called me a SHOWOFF.

When my wife and I separated, we went to Court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married.” The Judge said, “Me too”. Then I told him that after I married Sex left me. He said, “Me too!”

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking for him around town. A Cop came over to me and asked, “What are you doing in this alley at 4:00 in the morning?” I said I was looking for Sex!

My case comes up next Friday!”

Letter from an Irish Mother to her Son

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I’m still alive. I’m writing this letter slowly because I know you can’t read fast. We are all doing very well.

You won’t recognise the house when you get home – we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address because the last Irish family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn’t have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven’t seen them since.

Your father’s got a really good job now. He’s got 500 men under him. He’s cutting the grass at the cemetery.

Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven’t found out if it’s a boy or a girl, so I don’t know whether you are an auntie or an uncle.

Your brother Tom is still in the army. He’s only been there a short while and they’ve already made him a court martial!

Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.

I’m sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while riding his bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.

The weather isn’t bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four days. Monday was so windy one of the chickens laid the same egg four times.

We had a letter from the under-taker. He said if the last payment on your Grandmother’s plot wasn’t paid in seven days, up she comes.

About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down.

There isn’t much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Your loving mother

xxx

P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope.

Why I fired my secretary

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn’t feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say “Happy Birthday,” and probably have a present for me.
She didn’t even say “Good Morning,” alone any “Happy Birthday.” I thought, “Well, that’s wives for you. Maybe the children will remember.”

The children came in to breakfast and didn’t say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, “Good morning boss, Happy Birthday.” And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.

I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside and it’s your birthday, let’s go to lunch, just you and me.” I said, “By George, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go.”

We went to lunch. We didn’t go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day. We don’t need to go back to the office, do we?” I said, “No, I guess not.” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment.” After arriving at her apartment she said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable.”

“Sure,” I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends. All were singing “Happy Birthday” and there I sat on the couch with nothing on but my socks.

Hospital humour

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital with an

oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and still heavily

sedated from a four-hour operation.

A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

“Nurse”, he mumbles from behind the mask, “Are my

testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know,

I’m only here to wash your hands and feet.”

He struggles again to ask, “Nurse, Are my testicles

Black?”

Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown,

holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her

other hand and takes a close look and says,

“There’s nothing wrong with them!”

The man pulls off his oxygen mask and says very

slowly, “That was very nice but listen very, very

closely – are… my… test…results…back?